How I Didn't Become A Jehovah's Witness

On Saturday morning I was stuck in bed — wallowing in mid-hangover despair. I had planned to go for a run. I had planned to work on my book. Instead, I was pinned to my mattress, with a storm in my stomach and filth in my head. Damn you, Ben, you damning motherdamner (I may not have been saying this “damn” — this a family Substack).

Then there was a knoc…